Seasons may change, but one thing remains the same.

My heart!

I wasn’t always vocal about my wants and needs. I use to let people inflict their pain, their beliefs and ideals onto me. I would agree and just go along with whatever made other people happy. I was unhappy. For a long time I had to live in the shadows of others and always taking a backseat. It didn’t matter the reason or season I felt I wasn’t important enough to hold the limelight. I was merely the person in the background (not even backup). It wasn’t until much later in life was when I found my voice.

I grew up into adulthood bringing that same baggage with me. It rolled into college with professors giving grades I didn’t deserve after I helped other classmates who never showed up for class. It happened in relationships, in order to keep the peace, I would praise and support their ambitions to grow and shine while they were inflicting mental and emotional abuse on me. It happened in my workspace because I didn’t know how to say no and no was a complete sentence I know I know. I just simply took my place and basically fumbled forward through life. It caused me to settle with jobs, finances and dreams deferred.

I was the person everyone came to for help and advice, but never the person that received her support. I was the strong friend, the person you could call in the middle of the night and I would be there. I was the person at 3 in the morning healing their heart and steadily destroying my own.

Now don’t get me wrong because this point you’re thinking well where were your parents, grandparents etc. and I will tell you they were there and they instilled everything in me to be this strong person. I was their shining light, but I didn’t find my own strength and value until very late. Regardless, of all the positive things they told me and showed I was the person that took on everyone’s problem but didn’t fight for my own. Of course, they fussed and even became resentful towards many, but it was me who needed to see and recognize my talents and my values.

Ohhhhhhh, but when I did, I was like Michael when he told Joe get the hell on I’m doing my own thing now 🤣. That’s that “Virgoism” ♍️ finally showed up and it came with. vengeance. When your cup 🍵is so empty you have no choice but to break it and breakthrough. My voice came out of nowhere and I just simply started standing up for myself. I began to live beyond the moments that were passsed by so many times. I began to pour into myself first because my cup 🍵 couldn’t keep breaking to heal others. I started saying “No” because no was a complete sentence. Most importantly, I began to heal my heart and forgave those that wronged me and understood they can never have that type of power over me.

The inner work is not easy because I have to do the hard things like think about the past and why I didn’t have a voice to speak, or why you didn’t make your own light regardless of who’s listening. Empathy is not something I wake up and elect for myself. However, I get up and grateful for my role. I was given the opportunity to find me and still have a heart to help others but on my terms and conditions. So while I continue to heal this heart, I always feel for those whose voices are still in the shadows, and someone who is still scared to speak. As you grow, (because it’s imperative that you grow), I employ you to become wiser with your words, stronger with your heart, and you choose when to speak up, shout out to let the world know “I’m here and I matter” now where’s my damn stage.

Part 2 on the next blog-of how blessed my life has come to be now that I speak for myself and hold myself accountable for this life because it’s mine and it’s not to be taken lightly.

“Never negate the Nu-N-U”

NuNu-out!!!